Church Chat

Here is the post of the talk I delivered at church on Sunday:

Good morning. My name is Cindi Brown, and I’m a member of this congregation. In this church, we often say, “Our spiritual paths vary…” My own spiritual path involves working with a model of personality psychology called the Enneagram.

One of the pieces of wisdom the Enneagram imparts is that, as Gail has so eloquently phrased it, “Our best trait is also our worst trait.”

In the Enneagram world, my own personality style is often referred to as the “Observer” personality type. My habit of standing back, watching, and observing life from a distance, has led to what I have always considered to be some of my best qualities. First of all, as Yogi Berra famously said, “you can observe a lot just by watching.” And you can learn a lot just by observing.

My ego loves to hear about how smart, knowledgeable, and objective I am. Chances are, there are some themes your ego loves to hear about, too. Maybe your story is the story of being fun-loving, idealistic, and enthusiastic. Maybe it’s the story of being strong, protective, and heroic. Maybe it’s something else entirely.

Whatever it is, there is certainly nothing wrong with celebrating your strengths. Sometimes, that’s exactly what you need to do. But at other times, real growth comes from looking at your flaws.

For example, every instance of me standing back is not, shockingly enough, an instance of Buddha-like nonattachment. At times, my reluctance to get involved is not at all high-minded; sometimes, it’s just the stinginess of not wanting to spend my time and energy on someone else. In those times, my habit of pulling back is a symptom of having forgotten that we are all interconnected, and that that which is given, is not simply lost.

Working with this type of knowledge can be transformative. Let me give an example:

Years ago, I was part of an Enneagram discussion group. In this group, we would basically eat pizza and talk about personality psychology. After we had been meeting for a while and were comfortable with one another, the conversation turned to revealing some of the qualities we did not like in the various personality types. A friend of mine said that those with the “Observer” personality style were “just not generous.” She went on to share an illustrative story about a man with whom she had been romantically involved. Even though her story was not about me specifically, I could see myself reflected in that story, and I didn’t like what I saw.

I began to consider how to translate my desire to not be “not generous” into action. My first small act was to pick up the pizza for the next discussion group meeting. I didn’t pick up the tab for the pizza, mind you; I simply spent a little of my time and energy physically going to get the pizza. I realize I will probably not be canonized as a saint for this act, but for me, it was a step in the right direction.

And I do continue to take steps. I ask myself, what can I bring to this gathering? How can I not show up empty-handed? Finding, and acting upon, the answers to those questions, whether that answer is as tangible as a large pizza, or as intangible as my energy and attention, is a spiritual practice, and my experiences and relationships are better for it.

I have learned to recognize, at least sometimes, that the habit of pulling back masks the need to step forward. For some people, the rush of enthusiasm over a new prospect can be a reminder that old ventures are crying out for completion, that living one’s ideals requires sticking with them even when the going gets rough. For still others, the heady feeling of raw power may really be a calling for the gentleness with which power must be tempered in order to become enduring strength.

These words are from the Tao Te Ching:

Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.

Let us each consider the ugly and the beautiful, the evil and the good, within ourselves, as we enter into a moment of silent meditation.

----------------------------------------SILENCE--------------------------------------

Highlights of the International Enneagram Association Annual Meeting

Mary Beth and I are just back from the IEA's annual conference, healed, refreshed, and ready to blog about the Enneagram. In upcoming blog posts, I plan to take you through what happened at the conference day by day, but here are some of my personal highlights:

• I felt, for the first time, that I was part of a worldwide community of Enneagram enthusiasts, and that this enthusiasm might be leading somewhere.


• I heard a fairly clear history of the modern Enneagram and gained a better understanding of the issues that are in dispute. Until now, these matters have been quite obscure to me.


• I witnessed, firsthand, some conflict between the Arica Institute and, like, everyone else, but there was some conflict resolution. And hugging.


• I heard the surprising history of a very important book.


• I finally understood the law of seven well enough to explain it to others.


• I ran into old acquaintances from another Enneagram workshop and got to argue about the types of the characters from Sex and the City with them.


• I found that, at times, Mary Beth's hair can look even weirder than mine.


• I remembered why I liked meditation in the first place.


• I heard a teacher acknowledge some of the problems with Enneagram typing and propose an innovative solution.


• I learned that, much like American 4s, Australian 4s also talk with fake British accents.


• I heard about the Genneagram.


• I saw some famous Enneagram teachers bust a move on the dance floor.


• I was privy to a plot to take over the world.

There will be plenty more on all of this later. Perhaps Mary Beth will even chime in. (Nudge, nudge.)

Total Eclipse of the Enneagram Autobiography Class 6 Recap

Once upon a time, I was falling in love; now, I'm only recapping the final class.

We started off with most people talking about saying yes when they mean no and how it's best if you don't let drunk and/ or controlling people make your decisions for you.

Then, we briefly touched on type 1 (see pages 97 - 124 of The Wisdom of the Enneagram) before rushing out to see the moon looking like this:

and then this:

I thought the eclipse would have progressed further by then, but I misunderstood the time at which it was to occur. A perfectionist, I am not.

We did a relaxation meditation and learned that, like cubes, we are six-sided.

We talked about the "Seven Tools for Transformation" given on pages 345 - 347 of the book and also here and handed out copies of "The Stages of the Work" from page 383.

At last, we looked at the moon again. It was doing this:

and this:

We watched until the earth's shadow briefly blotted it out of the sky.

Up next: this Wednesday, Mary Beth and I will lead a session of informal chat and meditation. All are welcome to join.

Fear and Anxiety in Nashvegas: Enneagram Autobiography Class 3 Recap

Before session 3 of the Enneagram Autobiography class, there was a Mexican dinner in the social area of FUUN. During the dinner, we were asked to say a few words about the topic of the class. I tried to win over prospective new students by saying we would be "exploring issues of fear and anxiety." Shockingly enough, a couple of new people came to the class anyway.

As is our way, we went around the room sharing our thoughts. The two most popular homework questions turned out to be "How do I know that I am loved?" and "What does focusing on your differences with other people cost you?", so most people spoke to those.

We talked about differences and the creation of drama in relationship to type 4. The 4s in the room denied being dramatic. That is not the way they perceive it at all and they explained their behavior, rather, in terms of being sensitive.

I recommended the book Emotions and the Enneagram, by Margaret Fringes Keyes, as an insightful take on the Enneagram as a whole and type 4 in particular. It explains how 4s romanticize loss and use melancholy to stave off real depression. Mary Beth talked about connections between personality type and brain chemistry and recommended Riso and Hudson's book Personality Types, which correlates Ennegram Types with the DSM, and a website called something like "The Enneagram: A Clinical Pharmacist's View." It seems that this site has been taken down, but I was able to find the pahramcist's description of type 4 here.

Next, we segued over to the head triad -- the triad associated with fear, anxiety, and worry. I was reminded of this church sign I photographed recently:

We meditated a bit, and having acheived full Presence, were able to fully notice things like how funny-shaped the room was and that it had closets. If you would like to have such revelations at home, follow the instructions on page 217 of The Wisdom of the Enneagram.

We spoke of type 5 and their love of skulls and dead chickens. I found myself talking at length about the "effective" combination of the type 5 propensity for ignoring one's emotions combined with the type 4 habit of making a really big deal of them. It sound like a paradox, but it has played out in my life, and there were a few knowing nods in the room.

For homework, we suggested the consideration of the following questions from The Wisdom of the Enneagram:

"Record your observations about isolation. What kinds of situations cause you to detach emotionally? What are your attitudes about people at such times? About social life? About yourself? Can you recall any incidences from your childhood that you feel reinforced this tendency in you? Did you feel engulfed by others' needs or intruded upon? What would it take to be in relationship with others and not lose your own sense of purpose?"

"Record any examples of times in your life when you let significant opportunities for growth and challenge pass you by. Why did you decide to let them go? Would belief in your own abilities have changed the outcome?

Recall some times when you did fly against common sense and took a chance. What was the outcome? How did you feel at the time?Are there areas in your life now where you know that you are resisting your true desires out of fears or doubts about yourself? What can you do differently?"

Up next: More fear and anxiety, as Mary Beth leads the discussion on types 6 and 7.

To Prepare: Look over pages 235 - 286 in The Wisdom of the Enneagram.

We Now Take a Break from Our Regularly Sceduled Programming to Recap Enneagram Autobiography Class 2

If you have been reading this blog, you have probably noticed that we have more or less abandoned our purported topic, the Enneagram, in favor of a new obsession -- Presidential politics. This is an example of what Mary Beth and I like to call "following the car." (For further explanation, see our first ever blog post.) If this is not your cup of tea, be patient; we will almost certainly turn our attentions back to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or some such real soon.
Nonetheless, we have our responsibilities, so here's what happened in session 2 of the Enneagram Autobiography class:


1. Mary Beth and I both had diseases. In her case, it was pink eye. In mine, it was yakky-mouth-itis. As such, I proposed the following division of labor: I would hand out handouts and she would do the talking. Alas, there is no known cure for yakky-mouth-itis.
2. We went around the room sharing selected details from our autobiographies, which I will not post here. If you want to hear the juicy stuff, you have to attend the class. (Next session: Wednesday, January 30th, 7:00pm, First Unitarian Universalist Church of Nashville.)
3. I attempted to answer all Enneagram-related "huh?" and "what?"-type questions with this handout.
4. We talked about why meditation is an important tool for observing one's own ego at work, recommended chapter 4, "Cultivating Awareness," of The Wisdom of the Enneagram, and did a lovingkindness meditation.
5. Mary Beth talked about the emotional issues of types 2 ("I can only give help; I can't accept help") and 3 ("I really am a doctor, but it's still like I'm playing one on tv.")
6. We suggested some journaling topics. Here are a few (all are from The Wisdom of the Enneagram):

"Explore the question, 'How do I know that I am loved?' What counts for love in your life? Whose love are you looking for? What are the signs that this person is giving you love? How do you know, or how would you know that you are loved?"

"What does success mean to you? What did it mean to your parents? What does it mean to your peers? Any connections?"

"Notice your tendency to automatically focus on your differences with people. What does this cost you in terms of your connectedness with others? Does it prevent you from taking up activities that might be beneficial to you?"

Next time:

We'll talk about the emotional issues of types 4, 5, and 6 and learn how to really look at things. To prepare, you might want to look over pages 178 - 259 of The Wisdom of the Enneagram. Also, please bring your journal to class.