Here is the post of the talk I delivered at church on Sunday:
Good morning. My name is Cindi Brown, and I’m a member of this congregation. In this church, we often say, “Our spiritual paths vary…” My own spiritual path involves working with a model of personality psychology called the Enneagram.
One of the pieces of wisdom the Enneagram imparts is that, as Gail has so eloquently phrased it, “Our best trait is also our worst trait.”
In the Enneagram world, my own personality style is often referred to as the “Observer” personality type. My habit of standing back, watching, and observing life from a distance, has led to what I have always considered to be some of my best qualities. First of all, as Yogi Berra famously said, “you can observe a lot just by watching.” And you can learn a lot just by observing.
My ego loves to hear about how smart, knowledgeable, and objective I am. Chances are, there are some themes your ego loves to hear about, too. Maybe your story is the story of being fun-loving, idealistic, and enthusiastic. Maybe it’s the story of being strong, protective, and heroic. Maybe it’s something else entirely.
Whatever it is, there is certainly nothing wrong with celebrating your strengths. Sometimes, that’s exactly what you need to do. But at other times, real growth comes from looking at your flaws.
For example, every instance of me standing back is not, shockingly enough, an instance of Buddha-like nonattachment. At times, my reluctance to get involved is not at all high-minded; sometimes, it’s just the stinginess of not wanting to spend my time and energy on someone else. In those times, my habit of pulling back is a symptom of having forgotten that we are all interconnected, and that that which is given, is not simply lost.
Working with this type of knowledge can be transformative. Let me give an example:
Years ago, I was part of an Enneagram discussion group. In this group, we would basically eat pizza and talk about personality psychology. After we had been meeting for a while and were comfortable with one another, the conversation turned to revealing some of the qualities we did not like in the various personality types. A friend of mine said that those with the “Observer” personality style were “just not generous.” She went on to share an illustrative story about a man with whom she had been romantically involved. Even though her story was not about me specifically, I could see myself reflected in that story, and I didn’t like what I saw.
I began to consider how to translate my desire to not be “not generous” into action. My first small act was to pick up the pizza for the next discussion group meeting. I didn’t pick up the tab for the pizza, mind you; I simply spent a little of my time and energy physically going to get the pizza. I realize I will probably not be canonized as a saint for this act, but for me, it was a step in the right direction.
And I do continue to take steps. I ask myself, what can I bring to this gathering? How can I not show up empty-handed? Finding, and acting upon, the answers to those questions, whether that answer is as tangible as a large pizza, or as intangible as my energy and attention, is a spiritual practice, and my experiences and relationships are better for it.
I have learned to recognize, at least sometimes, that the habit of pulling back masks the need to step forward. For some people, the rush of enthusiasm over a new prospect can be a reminder that old ventures are crying out for completion, that living one’s ideals requires sticking with them even when the going gets rough. For still others, the heady feeling of raw power may really be a calling for the gentleness with which power must be tempered in order to become enduring strength.
These words are from the Tao Te Ching:
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
Let us each consider the ugly and the beautiful, the evil and the good, within ourselves, as we enter into a moment of silent meditation.
----------------------------------------SILENCE--------------------------------------
Showing posts with label 8. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 8. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Martin Luther King, Jr. as a Healthy 8
Note: This was originally published on 1/21/08
Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. day. MLK is often cited as an example of the type 8 personality, but people often wonder, how can the leader of a nonviolent resistance movement be type 8 -- the overexpresser of the "anger triad"?
The answer lies in level of health. Don Riso of the Enneagram Institute puts it this way:
"The idea of the levels explains how two people of the same personality type can operate very differently—and seem to others to be different character types. For example, Saddam Hussein and Martin Luther King are both eights on the Enneagram. But they are obviously very different. That's because they are operating at different levels of development within the framework of the eight personality type."
(This is from an interview which originally appeared in The San Francisco Gate. You can read the whole thing here.)
Riso continues:
"The levels are a measure of our fixation—and the measure of how asleep we are to ourselves and to reality. A person who is low in the levels is so asleep to themselves, so alienated from the truth of who they are, that they cannot see themselves."
King and Hussein were both leaders. ("The Leader" is sometimes used as a name for type 8.) The ruthless dictator and the inspiring pioneer are two sides of the same coin. The difference is a matter of "waking up" and putting aside the ego. For type 8, the great spiritual question is, "What is the appropriate use of power?" The answer lies in finding a way to put power in the service of love, to act magnanimously on behalf of others, rather than against them.
At their best, 8s are "courageous, willing to put self in serious jeopardy to achieve their vision and have a lasting influence." They "may achieve true heroism and historical greatness." (Personality Types, page 297.) Certainly, that was MLK.
This evening, as Mary Beth mentioned in yesterday's post, we will be hearing Bill Clinton speak on behalf of Hillary at Fisk University. Fisk, being a historically and majority African-American institution, and today, being MLK day, I imagine Clinton will have something to say about civil rights and/or race relations. We'll keep you posted.
Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. day. MLK is often cited as an example of the type 8 personality, but people often wonder, how can the leader of a nonviolent resistance movement be type 8 -- the overexpresser of the "anger triad"?
The answer lies in level of health. Don Riso of the Enneagram Institute puts it this way:
"The idea of the levels explains how two people of the same personality type can operate very differently—and seem to others to be different character types. For example, Saddam Hussein and Martin Luther King are both eights on the Enneagram. But they are obviously very different. That's because they are operating at different levels of development within the framework of the eight personality type."
(This is from an interview which originally appeared in The San Francisco Gate. You can read the whole thing here.)
Riso continues:
"The levels are a measure of our fixation—and the measure of how asleep we are to ourselves and to reality. A person who is low in the levels is so asleep to themselves, so alienated from the truth of who they are, that they cannot see themselves."
King and Hussein were both leaders. ("The Leader" is sometimes used as a name for type 8.) The ruthless dictator and the inspiring pioneer are two sides of the same coin. The difference is a matter of "waking up" and putting aside the ego. For type 8, the great spiritual question is, "What is the appropriate use of power?" The answer lies in finding a way to put power in the service of love, to act magnanimously on behalf of others, rather than against them.
At their best, 8s are "courageous, willing to put self in serious jeopardy to achieve their vision and have a lasting influence." They "may achieve true heroism and historical greatness." (Personality Types, page 297.) Certainly, that was MLK.
This evening, as Mary Beth mentioned in yesterday's post, we will be hearing Bill Clinton speak on behalf of Hillary at Fisk University. Fisk, being a historically and majority African-American institution, and today, being MLK day, I imagine Clinton will have something to say about civil rights and/or race relations. We'll keep you posted.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I think the T-Rex is 7w8
Check this out: http://www.qwantz.com/archive/001437.html and let me know what you think.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A Type 8 from the World of Seinfeld
Talking with a friend today, I was reminded of a character from the show Seinfeld who illustrates type 8 perfectly. The character is Elaine's father, Alton Benes, who appeared in a season two episode entitled "The Jacket."
Here's what happens in the episode:
Jerry buys a new suede jacket and gives his old jacket to Kramer. The new jacket has an inner lining with pink stripes, but is otherwise perfect for Jerry. Later on, Jerry, George, and Elaine are supposed to meet Elaine's father at his hotel (he is in from out of town) so they can all go to dinner together. However, Elaine is delayed helping Kramer with an errand, so George and Jerry meet Alton and are stuck alone with him for a long time before she arrives.
Jerry and George are intimidated by Elaine's father right away. Like many 8s, he is physically imposing. Early on, they try to make small talk with him, as follows:
ALTON: Looks like rain.
GEORGE: (Perks up) I know, I know, that's what they said.
ALTON: Who said?
GEORGE: The weather guy, Dr. Waldo.
ALTON: I don't need anybody to tell me it's gonna rain.
GEORGE: No, of course not. I didn't..
ALTON: All I have to do is stick my head out the window. (Waiter shows up with the drinks) Which one's suppose to be the funny guy?
GEORGE: (Pointing at Jerry) Oh, he's the comedian.
JERRY: I'm just a regular person.
GEORGE: No, no. He's just being modest.
ALTON: We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. (Long pause) There's nothing funny about that.
In this passage of the script, an 8's characteristic bluntness and directness is established. Alton is not only physically intimidating, but verbally intimidating as well.
At this point, Elaine calls and says she will be a while. George and Jerry excuse themselves to the bathroom and discuss the possibility of leaving.
GEORGE: How could she leave us alone with this lunatic? Ten more minutes, and that's it! I'm leaving. I have to tell you, this guy scares me.
JERRY: The waiter was trembling.
GEORGE: If she doesn't show up, we can't possibly have dinner with him alone.
JERRY: How are we gonna get out of it?
GEORGE: We'll say we're frightened and we have to go home.
Eventually, Elaine joins them and the group proceeds to dinner. In typical 8 fashion, Alton makes all the decisions:
ALTON: Alright, boys. We'll go to that Pakistani restaurant on 46th Street. You're not afraid of a little spice, are you?
Even Alton's choice of restaurant is telling. 8s love "spice" and intensity.
As the group walks outside, they notice it is snowing.
JERRY: (To George) Snow.. snow, that can't be good for suede, can it?
GEORGE: I wouldn't think so.
JERRY: What should I do? (To Alton) We're taking a cab, aren't we?
ALTON: Cab? It's only five blocks.
GEORGE: (To Jerry) Why don't you just turn it inside out?
JERRY: Inside out! Great.
(Jerry turns his jacket inside out, showing of the pink striped insides. Alton stops him before Jerry can leave the hotel)
ALTON: Wait a minute. What the hell do you call this?
JERRY: Oh, I turned my jacket inside out.
ALTON: Well, you look like a damn fool!
JERRY: (Like a child) Well, it's a new suede jacket. It might get ruined.
ALTON: Well, you're not going to walk down the street with me and my daughter dressed like that! That's for damn sure!
In this moment, Alton is not only domineering, but he is also showcasing another quality of type 8; he sees telling Jerry how to wear his jacket as a way of looking out for his daughter. 8s often view those they love as extensions of themselves and go to great lengths to protect them.
In the end, Jerry's new jacket is ruined and he ends up giving it to Kramer as well. You can watch a big chunk of this episode here.
Here's what happens in the episode:
Jerry buys a new suede jacket and gives his old jacket to Kramer. The new jacket has an inner lining with pink stripes, but is otherwise perfect for Jerry. Later on, Jerry, George, and Elaine are supposed to meet Elaine's father at his hotel (he is in from out of town) so they can all go to dinner together. However, Elaine is delayed helping Kramer with an errand, so George and Jerry meet Alton and are stuck alone with him for a long time before she arrives.
Jerry and George are intimidated by Elaine's father right away. Like many 8s, he is physically imposing. Early on, they try to make small talk with him, as follows:
ALTON: Looks like rain.
GEORGE: (Perks up) I know, I know, that's what they said.
ALTON: Who said?
GEORGE: The weather guy, Dr. Waldo.
ALTON: I don't need anybody to tell me it's gonna rain.
GEORGE: No, of course not. I didn't..
ALTON: All I have to do is stick my head out the window. (Waiter shows up with the drinks) Which one's suppose to be the funny guy?
GEORGE: (Pointing at Jerry) Oh, he's the comedian.
JERRY: I'm just a regular person.
GEORGE: No, no. He's just being modest.
ALTON: We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. (Long pause) There's nothing funny about that.
In this passage of the script, an 8's characteristic bluntness and directness is established. Alton is not only physically intimidating, but verbally intimidating as well.
At this point, Elaine calls and says she will be a while. George and Jerry excuse themselves to the bathroom and discuss the possibility of leaving.
GEORGE: How could she leave us alone with this lunatic? Ten more minutes, and that's it! I'm leaving. I have to tell you, this guy scares me.
JERRY: The waiter was trembling.
GEORGE: If she doesn't show up, we can't possibly have dinner with him alone.
JERRY: How are we gonna get out of it?
GEORGE: We'll say we're frightened and we have to go home.
Eventually, Elaine joins them and the group proceeds to dinner. In typical 8 fashion, Alton makes all the decisions:
ALTON: Alright, boys. We'll go to that Pakistani restaurant on 46th Street. You're not afraid of a little spice, are you?
Even Alton's choice of restaurant is telling. 8s love "spice" and intensity.
As the group walks outside, they notice it is snowing.
JERRY: (To George) Snow.. snow, that can't be good for suede, can it?
GEORGE: I wouldn't think so.
JERRY: What should I do? (To Alton) We're taking a cab, aren't we?
ALTON: Cab? It's only five blocks.
GEORGE: (To Jerry) Why don't you just turn it inside out?
JERRY: Inside out! Great.
(Jerry turns his jacket inside out, showing of the pink striped insides. Alton stops him before Jerry can leave the hotel)
ALTON: Wait a minute. What the hell do you call this?
JERRY: Oh, I turned my jacket inside out.
ALTON: Well, you look like a damn fool!
JERRY: (Like a child) Well, it's a new suede jacket. It might get ruined.
ALTON: Well, you're not going to walk down the street with me and my daughter dressed like that! That's for damn sure!
In this moment, Alton is not only domineering, but he is also showcasing another quality of type 8; he sees telling Jerry how to wear his jacket as a way of looking out for his daughter. 8s often view those they love as extensions of themselves and go to great lengths to protect them.
In the end, Jerry's new jacket is ruined and he ends up giving it to Kramer as well. You can watch a big chunk of this episode here.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The Enneagram and Emotional Maturity
After Patrick O'Leary's talk at the IEA conference, Mary Beth and I attended a session led by Edward Morler. It was called "Integrating the Enneagram of Personality with the Levels of Emotional Maturity." Here's some of Morler's bio:
"Edward E. Morler, M.B.A., Ph.D., is President of Morler International, a management training and development firm specializing in integrity based interpersonal effectiveness. His focus is the custom design and delivery of bottom-line, functional skill enhancement programs that simultaneously integrate the principles and dynamics of integrity, emotional maturity, motivation, leadership, and the Enneagram."
Here is my (admittedly sleepy) account of what he said:
According to Morler, Enneagram theory, particularly Riso and Hudson's Nine Levels of Development, describes healthy and unhealthy levels of emotional health, but does not offer much in terms of how to move from one level to the next.
Morler laid out the following ways of dealing with a problem, arranged here from best to worst:
seeing it as an opportunity
coping with it
being antagonistic toward it
being angry at it
being passive-aggressive
fearing it (Morler defined fear as "considerations of potential loss.")
being anxious about it
grieving
sinking into apathy
death
These, he correlated with the Nine Levels of Development for each type. He talked about how, once you have identified the level someone is working at, you can move them up the scale, but no farther up than where you are. Here's the method he suggested: when someone is in apathy, remind them of a reason to grieve (he gave an example of seeing his mom lying on the bed in apathetic depression and reminding her of a house they once had and lost); when someone is grieving, bring up something anxiety-provoking; and so on, until they are in a much better place than before.
Then, Morler gave us another scale of emotional health:
Leader (one who is emotionally mature; when something isn't right, they respond by doing what they can to make it better)
Doer
Coper
Opposer
Manipulator (the most dangerous of people -- a con artist who pretends to be a doer)
Victim
(You can find a lot more info on this scale here.)
According to Morler, if you're not proactively creating something, you are dropping down this scale, which he also correlated with the Nine Levels.
Here are Morler's steps to change when dealing with a problem: (1) recognition of the problem, (2) ownership of the problem ("What am I contributing to this?"), (3) forgiving oneself and acknowledging one's positive contributions, and (4) doing something different.
Here are some of my critiques:
In my opinion, the Riso/ Hudson material does offer a method of getting healthier; it's simply usually dismissed in favor of more gimmicky approaches. What it doesn't offer is a way of moving another person between levels, but Riso and Hudson would probably say that that's not the point of the Enneagram anyway.
Also, the technique Morler presented seemed like a quick fix. He admitted that his mom, for instance, stayed stuck in the anxiety state most of the time. It seems like his method could be good for talking someone out of a suicide or even just putting someone in a temporarily better mood, but without the hard work of self-observation (advocated by Riso and Hudson), that person is probably never going to become emotionally healthy.
Another thing Mary Beth and I noticed is that some of the responses to problems did not seem entirely logically arranged from best to worst. For instance, why is anger a better response than anxiety? Perhaps Morler has a good reason, but allow me to advance a theory: the arrangement plays into his type bias.
Let me explain. Morler is an 8, the overexpressor of the gut triad. That means he's got a double-dose of preferring the body center (once, because he's a gut type, and again, because he's an aggressive type.) The aggressives repress the heart center. So, as an 8, Morler's preference goes: body, head, heart. And his levels of appropriate response prioritize anger and passive aggression (body center issues) over fear and anxiety (head center issues), which are in turn, placed above grief (a heart center issue.)
Just a theory.
"Edward E. Morler, M.B.A., Ph.D., is President of Morler International, a management training and development firm specializing in integrity based interpersonal effectiveness. His focus is the custom design and delivery of bottom-line, functional skill enhancement programs that simultaneously integrate the principles and dynamics of integrity, emotional maturity, motivation, leadership, and the Enneagram."
Here is my (admittedly sleepy) account of what he said:
According to Morler, Enneagram theory, particularly Riso and Hudson's Nine Levels of Development, describes healthy and unhealthy levels of emotional health, but does not offer much in terms of how to move from one level to the next.
Morler laid out the following ways of dealing with a problem, arranged here from best to worst:
seeing it as an opportunity
coping with it
being antagonistic toward it
being angry at it
being passive-aggressive
fearing it (Morler defined fear as "considerations of potential loss.")
being anxious about it
grieving
sinking into apathy
death
These, he correlated with the Nine Levels of Development for each type. He talked about how, once you have identified the level someone is working at, you can move them up the scale, but no farther up than where you are. Here's the method he suggested: when someone is in apathy, remind them of a reason to grieve (he gave an example of seeing his mom lying on the bed in apathetic depression and reminding her of a house they once had and lost); when someone is grieving, bring up something anxiety-provoking; and so on, until they are in a much better place than before.
Then, Morler gave us another scale of emotional health:
Leader (one who is emotionally mature; when something isn't right, they respond by doing what they can to make it better)
Doer
Coper
Opposer
Manipulator (the most dangerous of people -- a con artist who pretends to be a doer)
Victim
(You can find a lot more info on this scale here.)
According to Morler, if you're not proactively creating something, you are dropping down this scale, which he also correlated with the Nine Levels.
Here are Morler's steps to change when dealing with a problem: (1) recognition of the problem, (2) ownership of the problem ("What am I contributing to this?"), (3) forgiving oneself and acknowledging one's positive contributions, and (4) doing something different.
Here are some of my critiques:
In my opinion, the Riso/ Hudson material does offer a method of getting healthier; it's simply usually dismissed in favor of more gimmicky approaches. What it doesn't offer is a way of moving another person between levels, but Riso and Hudson would probably say that that's not the point of the Enneagram anyway.
Also, the technique Morler presented seemed like a quick fix. He admitted that his mom, for instance, stayed stuck in the anxiety state most of the time. It seems like his method could be good for talking someone out of a suicide or even just putting someone in a temporarily better mood, but without the hard work of self-observation (advocated by Riso and Hudson), that person is probably never going to become emotionally healthy.
Another thing Mary Beth and I noticed is that some of the responses to problems did not seem entirely logically arranged from best to worst. For instance, why is anger a better response than anxiety? Perhaps Morler has a good reason, but allow me to advance a theory: the arrangement plays into his type bias.
Let me explain. Morler is an 8, the overexpressor of the gut triad. That means he's got a double-dose of preferring the body center (once, because he's a gut type, and again, because he's an aggressive type.) The aggressives repress the heart center. So, as an 8, Morler's preference goes: body, head, heart. And his levels of appropriate response prioritize anger and passive aggression (body center issues) over fear and anxiety (head center issues), which are in turn, placed above grief (a heart center issue.)
Just a theory.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
The Penultimate Recap: Enneagram Autobiography Class 5
We had twice as many people as the time before!
We talked about boredom, how it feels, and the need to keep the energy in a room pumped up.
We introduced the gut triad; it's all about anger (for type 8), tension (for type 1), and banana bread (for type 9).
We talked about how 8s have to have it out before they can let it go, their effect on the family dog, and their capacity for leadership.
We talked about the 9's suitability as a spouse, their forgetfulness, and their love of proverbs and aphorisms (see page 330 in The Wisdom of the Enneagram.) We visited Moronland.
We suggested the consideration of the following questions from the big book:
"Explore the various circumstances in which you have put yourself under pressure [to provide for others, to be strong for them, to never cry, show weakness, doubt, or indecision]. Who were you doing it for? Was the outcome worth the effort? What do you think would have happened if you had been a little easier on yourself?"
"Think of times in which you went along with the plans, preferences, or choices of others and submerged your own choices. What did this do to your sense of involvement?To your contact with yourself and your experience? Did you resent having to go along? How did you dispense with your own choice? What did you hope to gain by doing so?"
"Notice how many times a day you are dissappointed with yourself or others. Keep track of this for a few days. What standards are you measuring everything against? Question and examine the nature of these standards and their effect on you and the people in your life."
Next time:
Type 1 gets equal time, we learn to relax, and we write with, of all things, our hands. And, oh yeah, spiritual growth. See you then.
We talked about boredom, how it feels, and the need to keep the energy in a room pumped up.
We introduced the gut triad; it's all about anger (for type 8), tension (for type 1), and banana bread (for type 9).
We talked about how 8s have to have it out before they can let it go, their effect on the family dog, and their capacity for leadership.
We talked about the 9's suitability as a spouse, their forgetfulness, and their love of proverbs and aphorisms (see page 330 in The Wisdom of the Enneagram.) We visited Moronland.
We suggested the consideration of the following questions from the big book:
"Explore the various circumstances in which you have put yourself under pressure [to provide for others, to be strong for them, to never cry, show weakness, doubt, or indecision]. Who were you doing it for? Was the outcome worth the effort? What do you think would have happened if you had been a little easier on yourself?"
"Think of times in which you went along with the plans, preferences, or choices of others and submerged your own choices. What did this do to your sense of involvement?To your contact with yourself and your experience? Did you resent having to go along? How did you dispense with your own choice? What did you hope to gain by doing so?"
"Notice how many times a day you are dissappointed with yourself or others. Keep track of this for a few days. What standards are you measuring everything against? Question and examine the nature of these standards and their effect on you and the people in your life."
Next time:
Type 1 gets equal time, we learn to relax, and we write with, of all things, our hands. And, oh yeah, spiritual growth. See you then.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Politics Round-Up
We did not start this blog to talk about politics nor are either of us political junkies, but I am finding this year's race much more interesting than usual. Also, the two most common search hits this blog gets are What is Obama's Enneagram (or MBTI) type? and What types are compatible?
Here is a collection of articles and observations relating politics and the enneagram that I've collected over the past week.
Here is David Brooks on How Voters Think, which is about the tail wagging the dog (in this case, that we make emotional judgments then come up with rational reasons afterwards.) The article speaks to why personality is one of the big things we are looking for when we consider the candidates.
IF you live in or near Nashville, and IF you want to see Bill Clinton, he's speaking tomorrow night (Monday, Jan. 21) at Fisk University at 6:15. Call this number: (615) 254-2200. I'd call it now because I imagine it will fill up. You have to RSVP with your name. There's a web link to sign up, also, although when I tried it wasn't working yet. Here it is: www.HillaryClinton.com/Nashville.
On the subject of Hillary Clinton, I saw a clip of her appearance on the Tyra Banks Show that highlighted her 1-ishness. Tyra (I'd say 3w2), on the subject of Hillary's role in the Lewinsky situation, asked "Were you embarassed? I would be embarassed." And Hillary said "Well, sure, all of that, but also, I was, I was praying so hard, and thinking so hard, about what was right to do." (This is one-ish because she's saying her primary reaction to the situation was a consideration of what was right.) Tyra asked her whether women who find their husbands are cheating ask H. Clinton for advice, and Hillary said, yes, all the time, and she tells them they have to do what is right for them. Which is a very healthy answer for a 1 (shows the focus on rightness without even a hint of black and white thinking or rigidity.)
In our very first blog post, Cindi predicted we'd rehash the Lewinsky scandal; it's only taken two months for the prediction to come true (ok, it's not a rehash per se.)
Which brings us to Bill Clinton. As you may know, while Riso and Hudson type him as a 3, others (Tom Condon, the Fauvres) consider him a 9. This article about his anger issues suggests 3. (The article discusses a Vesuvius of anger, and although the 9s anger is like lava underneath because it's so repressed and denied AND dissociated from, I haven't seen the 9s letting their anger out like a volcano, and I certainly have never known of a 9 who drove someone else to have to take antidepressants, which this article says happened with George Stephanopoulos as a reaction to Bill Clinton's anger.)
Mitt Romney's anger was also mentioned this week -- there is a clip of him expressing some anger towards a reporter who challenged Romney's rather legalistic (but correct) definition of whether any lobbyists "ran his campaign." There's been a lot of talking and writing about Romney's seeming fake -- he's not where most of the rest of us are on this continuum. Here's one from a guy who knows Romney personally and doesn't consider him fake; here's one speculating on what ABOUT Romney seems fake -- he suggests it might be, of all things, his hair. Nancy Giles wins the "not mincing words award" for just coming out with it and saying Romney seems like a sociopath. After calling Huckabee "freaky" (for trying to combine the Constitution and the Ten Commandments into the "Constimandments") and McCain "long in the tooth" and "frail," she is asked "Nancy, you admit that Mitt Romney looks pretty good right?" She responds "He does but I worry about him in deep ways; I almost think he's a sociopath; he flips with the wind. The only thing steady about Mitt Romney to me has been his faith; he believes in his faith but he's switched up on all his positions and staring people right in the face... I don't trust him farther than I can throw him." (I think she meant psychopath, at least in the way I usually think of it -- I think of psychopath as the very unhealthy 3, the American Psycho or Tom Ripley or Ted Bundy type, a really good faker, and the sociopath as more of the unhealthy 8, the antisocial type. These categories are confusing, not least because I don't think either of them is in the DSM-IV. Here is a discussion of the difference; good luck. I believe this is what qualifies as a "clear" discussion of the difference. That said, I don't think he's a psychopath, of course, and neither, really does Nancy Giles, I don't think. But I see what she means and I think most people do. Part of his problem is I think he's running on a message that he doesn't entirely believe. I don't think a person can be a popular governor of Massachusetts AND truly be conservative enough to win the Republican nomination. Or, maybe this year he could have, but too late, because he's already set his course.)
Still on politics but not about the candidates: Chris Matthews of Hardball. I've always loved him. He's a good example of a 6: the questioner or the devil's advocate. He loves asking questions and getting to the truth; and specifically, loves poking through any BS.
Also, and this is completely off-topic, but Ron Paul came in second in Nevada: completely unexpected, and yet it's getting no media attention that I can see.
Here is a collection of articles and observations relating politics and the enneagram that I've collected over the past week.
Here is David Brooks on How Voters Think, which is about the tail wagging the dog (in this case, that we make emotional judgments then come up with rational reasons afterwards.) The article speaks to why personality is one of the big things we are looking for when we consider the candidates.
IF you live in or near Nashville, and IF you want to see Bill Clinton, he's speaking tomorrow night (Monday, Jan. 21) at Fisk University at 6:15. Call this number: (615) 254-2200. I'd call it now because I imagine it will fill up. You have to RSVP with your name. There's a web link to sign up, also, although when I tried it wasn't working yet. Here it is: www.HillaryClinton.com/Nashville.
On the subject of Hillary Clinton, I saw a clip of her appearance on the Tyra Banks Show that highlighted her 1-ishness. Tyra (I'd say 3w2), on the subject of Hillary's role in the Lewinsky situation, asked "Were you embarassed? I would be embarassed." And Hillary said "Well, sure, all of that, but also, I was, I was praying so hard, and thinking so hard, about what was right to do." (This is one-ish because she's saying her primary reaction to the situation was a consideration of what was right.) Tyra asked her whether women who find their husbands are cheating ask H. Clinton for advice, and Hillary said, yes, all the time, and she tells them they have to do what is right for them. Which is a very healthy answer for a 1 (shows the focus on rightness without even a hint of black and white thinking or rigidity.)
In our very first blog post, Cindi predicted we'd rehash the Lewinsky scandal; it's only taken two months for the prediction to come true (ok, it's not a rehash per se.)
Which brings us to Bill Clinton. As you may know, while Riso and Hudson type him as a 3, others (Tom Condon, the Fauvres) consider him a 9. This article about his anger issues suggests 3. (The article discusses a Vesuvius of anger, and although the 9s anger is like lava underneath because it's so repressed and denied AND dissociated from, I haven't seen the 9s letting their anger out like a volcano, and I certainly have never known of a 9 who drove someone else to have to take antidepressants, which this article says happened with George Stephanopoulos as a reaction to Bill Clinton's anger.)
Mitt Romney's anger was also mentioned this week -- there is a clip of him expressing some anger towards a reporter who challenged Romney's rather legalistic (but correct) definition of whether any lobbyists "ran his campaign." There's been a lot of talking and writing about Romney's seeming fake -- he's not where most of the rest of us are on this continuum. Here's one from a guy who knows Romney personally and doesn't consider him fake; here's one speculating on what ABOUT Romney seems fake -- he suggests it might be, of all things, his hair. Nancy Giles wins the "not mincing words award" for just coming out with it and saying Romney seems like a sociopath. After calling Huckabee "freaky" (for trying to combine the Constitution and the Ten Commandments into the "Constimandments") and McCain "long in the tooth" and "frail," she is asked "Nancy, you admit that Mitt Romney looks pretty good right?" She responds "He does but I worry about him in deep ways; I almost think he's a sociopath; he flips with the wind. The only thing steady about Mitt Romney to me has been his faith; he believes in his faith but he's switched up on all his positions and staring people right in the face... I don't trust him farther than I can throw him." (I think she meant psychopath, at least in the way I usually think of it -- I think of psychopath as the very unhealthy 3, the American Psycho or Tom Ripley or Ted Bundy type, a really good faker, and the sociopath as more of the unhealthy 8, the antisocial type. These categories are confusing, not least because I don't think either of them is in the DSM-IV. Here is a discussion of the difference; good luck. I believe this is what qualifies as a "clear" discussion of the difference. That said, I don't think he's a psychopath, of course, and neither, really does Nancy Giles, I don't think. But I see what she means and I think most people do. Part of his problem is I think he's running on a message that he doesn't entirely believe. I don't think a person can be a popular governor of Massachusetts AND truly be conservative enough to win the Republican nomination. Or, maybe this year he could have, but too late, because he's already set his course.)
Still on politics but not about the candidates: Chris Matthews of Hardball. I've always loved him. He's a good example of a 6: the questioner or the devil's advocate. He loves asking questions and getting to the truth; and specifically, loves poking through any BS.
Also, and this is completely off-topic, but Ron Paul came in second in Nevada: completely unexpected, and yet it's getting no media attention that I can see.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Video is the Way to go
When Mary Beth and I started teaching the Enneagram, we had the idea of using video clips from movies and interviews with celebrities to illustrate the different types. This wasn't just because we enjoy celebrity gossip, although obviously, we do. It was because we knew that observing how personality traits manifest in celebrities -- people we all know in common -- was a more effective way of conveying a holistic sense of the types than talking about people only a few of us know, or reading a type description from a book. Alas, we got about half way through Dances with Wolves (looking for examples of type 9 behavior) before falling asleep and giving up.
Luckily, some people, namely David and Katherine Fauvre of the Enneagram Explorations site, don't give up that easily. Their newly updated type descriptions include video clips. The descriptions themselves are "the culmination of over two years of effort and contain [the Fauvre's] very latest research into each Enneagram Type." Frankly, it shows; they're good. Let's take a look at an excerpt from the description of a type we hardly ever talk about on the blog, type 8:
"Your greatest strength is your sense of justice and desire to protect the weak, vulnerable, down-trodden and under-represented. Big hearted and generous by nature, you willingly protect others even at your own expense. A person of your word, you stand up for what you believe in and deliver what have you promised. You have the ability to quickly assess a situation, cut to the chase and ‘call a spade a spade’, simplifying what initially appears to be complex and confusing. This ability to instinctively see the truth in any given situation and act decisively makes you a natural born leader.
Your vice is excess and going to extremes. Whatever you like, you want more of and whatever you do, you overdo at full speed. Quick to respond, you can over react and come on too strong. You can be too much, too intense, and unwilling to self-limit. This can lead to escalating conflict due to an over reliance on your own truth and self-defined justice. Under stress you can become myopic, believing your truth as ‘The Truth’. Seeing life as a battlefield or a contest of wills, you can become confrontational and have difficulty backing down or admitting defeat. You have a tendency to push things to the edge and sometimes may run over others in the process."
In many cases, the Fauvres have chosen the same celebrities we would to illustrate the types. For instance, a video of Hillary Clinton illustrates type 1. Mary Beth called that spade a spade here. They also agree with Mary Beth and say Paula Abdul is a 2 (whereas I still think she has a 3-zoned-out-to-9 vibe.) Follow the discussion in the comments section here. In that same post, Mary Beth typed John Stewart as a 6, and he is used as a video exemplar of that type on the Enneagram Explorations site.
Another interesting exemplar is Kurt Cobain as a 4. Mary Beth and I think he is a 5, albeit with a heavy 4 wing. (See this post from Mary Beth's other blog, The Half-Assed Game.) The Fauvres also type gossip favorite Britney Spears as a 7.
See the type descriptions and video clips yourself at www.enneagram.net/types.html. Simply click on the number of the type that interests you.
Luckily, some people, namely David and Katherine Fauvre of the Enneagram Explorations site, don't give up that easily. Their newly updated type descriptions include video clips. The descriptions themselves are "the culmination of over two years of effort and contain [the Fauvre's] very latest research into each Enneagram Type." Frankly, it shows; they're good. Let's take a look at an excerpt from the description of a type we hardly ever talk about on the blog, type 8:
"Your greatest strength is your sense of justice and desire to protect the weak, vulnerable, down-trodden and under-represented. Big hearted and generous by nature, you willingly protect others even at your own expense. A person of your word, you stand up for what you believe in and deliver what have you promised. You have the ability to quickly assess a situation, cut to the chase and ‘call a spade a spade’, simplifying what initially appears to be complex and confusing. This ability to instinctively see the truth in any given situation and act decisively makes you a natural born leader.
Your vice is excess and going to extremes. Whatever you like, you want more of and whatever you do, you overdo at full speed. Quick to respond, you can over react and come on too strong. You can be too much, too intense, and unwilling to self-limit. This can lead to escalating conflict due to an over reliance on your own truth and self-defined justice. Under stress you can become myopic, believing your truth as ‘The Truth’. Seeing life as a battlefield or a contest of wills, you can become confrontational and have difficulty backing down or admitting defeat. You have a tendency to push things to the edge and sometimes may run over others in the process."
In many cases, the Fauvres have chosen the same celebrities we would to illustrate the types. For instance, a video of Hillary Clinton illustrates type 1. Mary Beth called that spade a spade here. They also agree with Mary Beth and say Paula Abdul is a 2 (whereas I still think she has a 3-zoned-out-to-9 vibe.) Follow the discussion in the comments section here. In that same post, Mary Beth typed John Stewart as a 6, and he is used as a video exemplar of that type on the Enneagram Explorations site.
Another interesting exemplar is Kurt Cobain as a 4. Mary Beth and I think he is a 5, albeit with a heavy 4 wing. (See this post from Mary Beth's other blog, The Half-Assed Game.) The Fauvres also type gossip favorite Britney Spears as a 7.
See the type descriptions and video clips yourself at www.enneagram.net/types.html. Simply click on the number of the type that interests you.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Dance Dance Resolutions for 7s, 8s, and 9s
At church this morning, we heard this excerpt from Frederick Buechner's Telling Secrets:
"Memory makes it possible for us both to bless the past, even those parts of it that we have always felt cursed by, and also to be blessed by it."
Then, after a sermon about, among other things, the eternal now, we were invited to write, on little slips of paper, things we intended to carry with us into the new year. Finally, we burned the paper, the ashes fell down, the smoke rose up, and our intentions were transformed.
What will become of your resolutions, types 7, 8, and 9? What mighty changes will result from these humble little (Riso and Hudson-inspired) suggestions?
Type 7:
1. Spend more time observing your impulses, and less time giving in to them.
2. Improve your listening skills.
3. Play "quiet mouse" to win.
4. Spend one day per week without the tv or stereo on.
5. Find ways to delay gratification.
6. Tell yourself that quality is more important than quantity.
7. While weighing your options, consider the consequences.
8. For your consideration in 2008:
"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet. " ~James Openheim
"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want." ~Margaret Young
"There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second." ~Logan Pearsall Smith
"Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
"If you are not happy here and now, you never will be. " ~Taisen Deshimaru
"The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live that his happiness shall depend as little as possible on external things." ~Epictetus
9. Put your words to the "Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?" test, not the "Is it funny?" test.
10. Try crying, instead of laughing, when you're sad.
11. When you think you're running toward something, ask yourself what you're running away from.
12. Count your blessings.
Type 8:
1. From the Tao te Ching: "leading and not trying to control: this is the supreme virtue."
2. If it doesn't really matter to you, let someone else get their way.
3. Question your "me against the world" attitude.
4. Hug your allies. And your "enemies."
5. If you find yourself reflecting on your own self-reliance, reflect on interdependence instead. When you eat an apple, consider the one who planted the tree, and so on.
6. Ask yourself what price you have paid for power and try to strike a better bargain.
7. Instead of acting solely out of self-interest, act on behalf of your relationship, your family, or your cause. Get one of those if you don't have one already.
8. Something to consider, straight from Understanding the Enneagram: "If you do not believe in God, is your nonbelief based on genuine intellectual convictions or merely on the fact that you do not want to give up your ego and the things you enjoy? A great deal may depend on your answer to this question."
9. To mix quotes willy-nilly, Beat your swords into ploughshares, or else you will die by them.
10. Use your resources to create opportunities for others.
11. Scratch someone else's back.
12. Think of a way to create a legacy of goodness that will live on after you.
Type 9:
1. Remember that love is something you do, and take action.
2. Start a new independent activity this year.
3. Cut back on daydreaming and zoning out.
4. Recognize that negative emotions find a way to express themselves, even if you try to repress them. Give voice to your anger and anxiety. Let them out and let them go.
5. Examine the ways your actions (or your passivity) have affected your relationships. Own your part of your conflicts.
6. Exercise more frequently. This video game might help.
7. If you have unexplained headaches, backaches, or nausea, consider the idea that repressed emotions might be the cause. Learn to express your feelings.
8. Swear off drugs and alcohol.
9. Make a list of things you would like to do before you die, and do some of them this year.
10. Stand up for yourself whenever you are being mistreated.
11. Make it a goal to learn something new about every person you love this year.
Bless the past; lean into the future. Mary Beth will be blogging on resolutions for 6s shortly.
"Memory makes it possible for us both to bless the past, even those parts of it that we have always felt cursed by, and also to be blessed by it."
Then, after a sermon about, among other things, the eternal now, we were invited to write, on little slips of paper, things we intended to carry with us into the new year. Finally, we burned the paper, the ashes fell down, the smoke rose up, and our intentions were transformed.
What will become of your resolutions, types 7, 8, and 9? What mighty changes will result from these humble little (Riso and Hudson-inspired) suggestions?
Type 7:
1. Spend more time observing your impulses, and less time giving in to them.
2. Improve your listening skills.
3. Play "quiet mouse" to win.
4. Spend one day per week without the tv or stereo on.
5. Find ways to delay gratification.
6. Tell yourself that quality is more important than quantity.
7. While weighing your options, consider the consequences.
8. For your consideration in 2008:
"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet. " ~James Openheim
"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want." ~Margaret Young
"There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second." ~Logan Pearsall Smith
"Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
"If you are not happy here and now, you never will be. " ~Taisen Deshimaru
"The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live that his happiness shall depend as little as possible on external things." ~Epictetus
9. Put your words to the "Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?" test, not the "Is it funny?" test.
10. Try crying, instead of laughing, when you're sad.
11. When you think you're running toward something, ask yourself what you're running away from.
12. Count your blessings.
Type 8:
1. From the Tao te Ching: "leading and not trying to control: this is the supreme virtue."
2. If it doesn't really matter to you, let someone else get their way.
3. Question your "me against the world" attitude.
4. Hug your allies. And your "enemies."
5. If you find yourself reflecting on your own self-reliance, reflect on interdependence instead. When you eat an apple, consider the one who planted the tree, and so on.
6. Ask yourself what price you have paid for power and try to strike a better bargain.
7. Instead of acting solely out of self-interest, act on behalf of your relationship, your family, or your cause. Get one of those if you don't have one already.
8. Something to consider, straight from Understanding the Enneagram: "If you do not believe in God, is your nonbelief based on genuine intellectual convictions or merely on the fact that you do not want to give up your ego and the things you enjoy? A great deal may depend on your answer to this question."
9. To mix quotes willy-nilly, Beat your swords into ploughshares, or else you will die by them.
10. Use your resources to create opportunities for others.
11. Scratch someone else's back.
12. Think of a way to create a legacy of goodness that will live on after you.
Type 9:
1. Remember that love is something you do, and take action.
2. Start a new independent activity this year.
3. Cut back on daydreaming and zoning out.
4. Recognize that negative emotions find a way to express themselves, even if you try to repress them. Give voice to your anger and anxiety. Let them out and let them go.
5. Examine the ways your actions (or your passivity) have affected your relationships. Own your part of your conflicts.
6. Exercise more frequently. This video game might help.
7. If you have unexplained headaches, backaches, or nausea, consider the idea that repressed emotions might be the cause. Learn to express your feelings.
8. Swear off drugs and alcohol.
9. Make a list of things you would like to do before you die, and do some of them this year.
10. Stand up for yourself whenever you are being mistreated.
11. Make it a goal to learn something new about every person you love this year.
Bless the past; lean into the future. Mary Beth will be blogging on resolutions for 6s shortly.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
The Principles of Lust
The White Stone Journal has this interesting article on the seven deadly sins. It says, in part:
"An online poll displayed the following results:
Of the seven deadly sins, this ONE is my biggest failing:
Lust 35%
Anger 18%
Pride 12%
Sloth 10%
Envy 10%
Gluttony 9%
Greed 6% "
When I read this, I began to wonder why lust was such a popular choice. I figured that, since lust is associated with sex, people think it's, well, sexy.
In Enneagrammatic terms, the sin of lust is associated with personality type 8. While this sin may play out literally as an addiction to sex, just as a 7's sin of gluttony may play out literally (I have certainly been at restaurants with many a 7 who ordered practically everything on the menu), it is more fruitful to understand both sins more metaphorically.
In Riso and Hudson's Understanding the Enneagram, lust is described thusly:
"Lustful intensity arises in response to the loss of the Virtue of Innocence. When we are relaxed, open, and present, we feel a natural vitality and experience our 'realness' and freedom directly. When we are gripped by the passion of lust, however, we attempt to gain this sense of aliveness and freedom through the intensity of our interactions with the environment and with others. We do not want to have a discussion: we want to have a discussion, or even an argument. Becoming agitated gives us a false feeling of being strong and real. But to the extent that Eights are blocked from relaxation and presence, they will need to be worked up all the time.
Thus, lustful Eights are not interested in lukewarm responses to life and particularly do not want weak responses to themselves... The more insecure Eights become, the greater their need for intensity, excess, struggle, and control. The need to assert themselves can turn into the desire to dominate their environment and the people in it. Ironically, when we have succumbed to the Passion of Lust, we are quite out of control. The objects of our lust, positive or negative, dominate and control us."
So what we have with a fixated type 8 is a character who, like the neighboring type 7 who chases more and more shallow experiences without delving into any of them deeply enough to feel "full", needs stronger and stronger stimuli in order to feel anything at all.
Not very sexy, in my opinion.
"An online poll displayed the following results:
Of the seven deadly sins, this ONE is my biggest failing:
Lust 35%
Anger 18%
Pride 12%
Sloth 10%
Envy 10%
Gluttony 9%
Greed 6% "
When I read this, I began to wonder why lust was such a popular choice. I figured that, since lust is associated with sex, people think it's, well, sexy.
In Enneagrammatic terms, the sin of lust is associated with personality type 8. While this sin may play out literally as an addiction to sex, just as a 7's sin of gluttony may play out literally (I have certainly been at restaurants with many a 7 who ordered practically everything on the menu), it is more fruitful to understand both sins more metaphorically.
In Riso and Hudson's Understanding the Enneagram, lust is described thusly:
"Lustful intensity arises in response to the loss of the Virtue of Innocence. When we are relaxed, open, and present, we feel a natural vitality and experience our 'realness' and freedom directly. When we are gripped by the passion of lust, however, we attempt to gain this sense of aliveness and freedom through the intensity of our interactions with the environment and with others. We do not want to have a discussion: we want to have a discussion, or even an argument. Becoming agitated gives us a false feeling of being strong and real. But to the extent that Eights are blocked from relaxation and presence, they will need to be worked up all the time.
Thus, lustful Eights are not interested in lukewarm responses to life and particularly do not want weak responses to themselves... The more insecure Eights become, the greater their need for intensity, excess, struggle, and control. The need to assert themselves can turn into the desire to dominate their environment and the people in it. Ironically, when we have succumbed to the Passion of Lust, we are quite out of control. The objects of our lust, positive or negative, dominate and control us."
So what we have with a fixated type 8 is a character who, like the neighboring type 7 who chases more and more shallow experiences without delving into any of them deeply enough to feel "full", needs stronger and stronger stimuli in order to feel anything at all.
Not very sexy, in my opinion.
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